Animal jokes

What do cows listen to?
Moo-sic!

"Good bye mother!"

A young man was walking through a supermarket to pick up a few things when he noticed an old lady following him around. Thinking nothing of it, he ignored her and continued on. Finally, he went to the checkout line, but she got in front of him. "Pardon me," she said, "I'm sorry if my staring at you has made you feel uncomfortable. It's just that you look just like my son who just died recently." "I'm very sorry," replied the young man, "Is there anything I can do for you?" "Yes," she said. "As I'm leaving, can you say 'Goodbye mother'? It would make me feel much better." "Sure," answered the young man. As the old woman was leaving, he called out, "Goodbye mother!" As he stepped up to the checkout counter, he saw that his total was $127.50. "How can that be?" he asked, "I only purchased a few things!" "Your mother said that you would pay for her," said the clerk.

Physical miracle

A man goes to a doctor for a routine physical. The nurse starts with the basics.
"How much do you weigh?" she asks. "Oh, about 165." he says.
The nurse puts him on the scale. It turns out that his weight is 187. The nurse asks, "Your height?"
"Oh, about six feet," he says. The nurse checks and sees that he's only 5 feet 8 3/4 inches. She then takes his blood pressure, and it's very high.
"High!" The man explains, "Of course it's high. When I came in here, I was tall and lanky. Now, I'm short and fat!"

The lonely frog

A lonely frog telephones the Psychic Hotline and asks what his future holds.
His personal Psychic Advisor tells him: "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you."
The frog is thrilled, "This is great! Will I meet her at a party?" he croaks.
"No," says the psychic, "in biology class."

Watermelons

There was a farmer who raised watermelons. Some local kids who would sneak into his watermelon patch at night and eat watermelons disturbed him. After some careful thought he came up with a clever idea that he thought would scare the kids away for sure. So he made up the sign and posted it in the field. The next day the kids show up and they see this sign, it says, "Warning!! One of the watermelons in this field has been injected with cyanide."


So the kids run off, make up their own sign and post it next to the sign that the farmer made. The farmer shows up the next week and when he looks over the field he notices that no watermelons are missing but he notices a new sign next to his. He drives up to the sign, which read: "Now there are two".

Car trouble

Lisa was out driving her car and while stopped at a red light, the car just died. It was a busy intersection and the traffic behind her was starting to pile up. The guy in the car directly behind her was honking his horn continuously as Lisa continued to try getting the car to start up again.


Finally Lisa gets out of her car and approaches the guy in the car behind her. "I can't seem to get my car started," Lisa said, smiling. "Would you be a sweetheart and go and see if you can get it started for me. I'll stay here in your car and lean on your horn for you."

A lesson in life

A child came home from his first day at school.
His Mother asked: 'Well, what did you learn today?'
The kid replied: 'Not enough. They want me to come back tomorrow."