The lonely frog

A lonely frog telephones the Psychic Hotline and asks what his future holds.
His personal Psychic Advisor tells him: "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you."
The frog is thrilled, "This is great! Will I meet her at a party?" he croaks.
"No," says the psychic, "in biology class."

Watermelons

There was a farmer who raised watermelons. Some local kids who would sneak into his watermelon patch at night and eat watermelons disturbed him. After some careful thought he came up with a clever idea that he thought would scare the kids away for sure. So he made up the sign and posted it in the field. The next day the kids show up and they see this sign, it says, "Warning!! One of the watermelons in this field has been injected with cyanide."


So the kids run off, make up their own sign and post it next to the sign that the farmer made. The farmer shows up the next week and when he looks over the field he notices that no watermelons are missing but he notices a new sign next to his. He drives up to the sign, which read: "Now there are two".

Car trouble

Lisa was out driving her car and while stopped at a red light, the car just died. It was a busy intersection and the traffic behind her was starting to pile up. The guy in the car directly behind her was honking his horn continuously as Lisa continued to try getting the car to start up again.


Finally Lisa gets out of her car and approaches the guy in the car behind her. "I can't seem to get my car started," Lisa said, smiling. "Would you be a sweetheart and go and see if you can get it started for me. I'll stay here in your car and lean on your horn for you."

A lesson in life

A child came home from his first day at school.
His Mother asked: 'Well, what did you learn today?'
The kid replied: 'Not enough. They want me to come back tomorrow."

Who is stupid?

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up!"
After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?" "No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"

The Butcher's shop

A dog walks into a butcher's shop with a purse in its mouth and sits in front of the meat case. "What is it, boy?" the butcher asks, joking around. "Want to buy some meat?"
"Woof!" barks the dog. "What kind? Liver, bacon, steak."
"Woof!" interrupts the dog. "And how much steak? Half a pound, a pound."
"Woof!" barks the dog.
The amazed butcher wraps up the meat and finds the money in the dog's purse.
As the dog leaves, the butcher decides to follow. It enters an apartment building, climbs to the third floor and scratches on the door.
With that, the door opens and an angry man starts yelling at the dog. "Stop!" yells the butcher. "What are you doing? That's the most clever animal I've ever seen!"
"Clever?" counters the man. "This is the third time this week he's forgotten his keys!"